Everything just falls apart at once. I'm unsure of everything right now and that scares me. I don't feel like I'm in control anymore. I need someone to be there for me but it just seems like everyone needs me to be there for them. 

I think that you really damaged me more than I'd like to think. I was toxic and you were unsure.

I just really need a friend right now

I think that maybe I just don't know who I am or what I really want from life. Maybe I just tell myself that I'm happy with my life because why shouldn't I be? I just pictured things so differently. I feel like I haven't been able to really live, really experience myself being thrown out in to the world. I crave that in my life. Or maybe I'm just unappreciative of what I have. I'm always wanting more, something more. I'm constantly searching for something to make me feel whole. Am I ever going to find that? Sometimes I just wish that I could runaway to a foreign place and be by myself for awhile. I don't think I really make sense, and I think that a lot of people misunderstand me. I think that people just see what they want to see from me, and are disappointed when they see the me that is "me". I wish that I could be more confident in the person that I am. I wish that I could love myself the way other people do. I wish that I could appreciate what I have more than I do. I wish that things were more clear and that people weren't so shitty sometimes. I wish for a lot of things, but wishing doesn't always make things happen.

I want to fill my brain with knowledge. I want to read till my eyes can't stay open any longer. I want to learn until my brain hurts. I just want so much more from myself. I'm just looking for answers.