I fucked up, and I take full responsibility for that. I just miss you, and this sucks. I don't think I'll ever get over this.

I will always miss you

I see you in everything that is good. Everything I am excited about, every time I smile I want you to be there to share that moment with me. But you're not here anymore and that really sucks. I miss the way things used to be. I miss you. I miss knowing that no matter what was going on in my life and no matter how bad my day was that you would be there to make it all better and bring a smile to my face. I miss the love of a best friend. I miss my best friend.

All I can think of lately is running away to a small town, working in a coffee shop or book store and figuring out who I am & what I want to do with my life. The temptation is growing stronger each and every day. 

Do you ever just remember the good moments in life. Do you look back and remember how you felt at that moment in time? Do you ever let those feelings take you over. Do you ever feel instantly sad afterwards? Sad because you never wanted those feelings to end. Sad because you don't know if you'll ever feel like that ever again. I miss so many things and so many people in my life. I just wish I could go back. I'm so sorry. 

I know I'm about to make a lot of people very unhappy with this decision. To be completely honest, I don't really care. I'm constantly worried about how my actions are going to affect others and for once I need to do something entirely for me. You could say that that's being selfish but that's what I need to be right now. My health is the most important thing and I realize that now. This will be good for me.. I hope. I'm sick and tired of felling like this and this is something I've wanted for a very long time. It's going to take a lot of help from other people which is something I'm not proud of asking for but the fact that they are willing and there for me means a lot to me. I need this break and I may not be so keen on it but I know it's for the best. I may regret it for awhile and that's okay because I know in the end it will be worth it. I'm not going to say I'm sorry to those of you who will be upset by this. What I will say is that if you truly love me you will understand my decision.

Have you ever just watched a movie on mute. Just watched, and tried to figure out what they were feeling. What was going on through their expressions and body language. Tried to imagine how they were feeling, and putting yourself in that moment.