I'm finally happy. I'm exactly where I want to be. It's funny how things work out..

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be capable of being happy.

Of course I would start falling for someone else then, take a step back and have you flood my mind.

better off

Minor lapse in judgment, hope you can understand.

I have this problem with pushing people away. Sometimes I just get in to moods where I don't want to be around anyone, or talk to anyone. I just want to be alone, but when I'm alone I can't stand it. I miss you. I'm always thinking about you and I hate myself for that. After everything I went through with you, and after all the things you said to me & did to me. Some nights you're all I want and it fucking kills me. I think of all the good times and it makes me sad, but then I think of all the bad things and it makes me even sadder. We were so toxic. I wish we could have let each other in, I wish we didn't run from each other. I loved you, but you didn't understand what that meant.

I want to be able to tell you, but I'm too scared. This kills me, why do things have to be so complicated? Why do I have emotions?

I'm scared to lose you so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut.